Fix my goof. The assignment was to comment with Haiku about last year's writing here.
Very good last year
Learned some new forms and techniques
Can't remember now
At first this is how I thought I was supposed to go. WRONG but here it is:
Our instructions for the first post of the new year is to choose a poem from last year's writing and make it the first post of the new year for Carpe Diem, Carpe Diem #639, Last Year (Kozo) (link).
I choose this one:
The Barren Woman
.
Try to make amends
Help puppies; orphaned children
Barren woman dire
.
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.
Picture and Poem Copyright, © 2014 Jimmiehov, All Rights Reserved
Notes, on how I felt about my attempt to follow the instructions given below:
- Puppies for my seasonword (kigo), from list of season "words" approved for haiku, link.
- Comma for my cuttingword (kireji, in western mostly interpunction) to start revert thought to basic theme (link to explanatory definitions and examples)
- First and third line interposed (might make it better?):
- - Barren woman dire
- -Help puppies; orphaned children
- -Try to make amends
- A short moment. This was hardest of the criteria for me as I think it reads better if the woman used 'helping puppies' as a lifetime avocation rather an immediate action. It would then read thus:
- - Tries to make amends
- - Helps puppies; orphaned children
- - Barren woman dire
- I will let the last, a deeper meaning, for you to be found. To me it's meaning was in line with Jesus Christ's love for children (Matthew 19:14, “Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of heaven”).
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Today I am linked to Carpe Diem "Sparkling Stars" #13, " "
- Following is a part of the Carpe Diem instructions for today found in the above linked site. It includes directions. I tried to diligently follow the six-part instruction list printed in GREEN for my haiku. See my "notes" above about my feel on how well I followed.
"""- the childless woman,
- - - -how tender she is
- - - -to the dolls!
© Ransetsu (Tr. Blyth)
"It’s a gorgeous haiku full of compassion for this woman without children. He sees her taking care for the dolls as were they real children. How much pain and sadness this woman will have had as she couldn’t have children or maybe she had children, but they died ... it’s not clear.
Use your imagination to see this scene in front of your eyes and try to write/compose an all new haiku following the classical rules:"
+ 5-7-5 syllables
+ a seasonword (kigo)
+ a cuttingword (kireji, in western mostly interpunction)
+ a moment as short as the sound of a pebble thrown in water
+ interchangable first and third line
+ a deeper meaning
Not an easy task I think, but I know you will succeed """
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Labels: Carpe Diem, Carpe Diem 15, Children, Haiku, Katrin, Poem, Senryū, women
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