Thursday, January 01, 2015

One Poem from Last Year -- "The Barren Woman" Repeated -- Carpe Diem

Fix my goof.  The assignment was to comment with Haiku about last year's writing here.

Very good last year
Learned some new forms and techniques
Can't remember now

At first this is how I thought I was supposed to go.  WRONG but here it is:

Our instructions for the first post of the new year is to choose a poem from last year's writing and make it the first post of the new year for Carpe Diem, Carpe Diem #639, Last Year (Kozo) (link). 

I choose this one:

Friday, November 21, 2014

The Barren Woman -- today's poem for Carpe Diem    

 
The Barren Woman
 .
Try to make amends
Help puppies; orphaned children
Barren woman dire
.
- - - - -
 .
Picture and Poem Copyright, © 2014 Jimmiehov, All Rights Reserved

Notes, on how I felt about my attempt to follow the instructions given below:
 - Puppies for my seasonword (kigo),  from list of season "words" approved for haiku, link.
 - Comma  for my  cuttingword (kireji, in western mostly interpunction) to start revert thought to basic theme (link to explanatory definitions and examples)
 - First and third line interposed (might make it better?):

 - - Barren woman dire
 - -Help puppies; orphaned children
 - -Try to make amends

- A short moment.  This was hardest of the criteria for me as I think it reads better if the woman used 'helping puppies' as a lifetime avocation rather an immediate action.  It would then read thus:

 - - Tries to make amends
 - - Helps puppies; orphaned children
 - - Barren woman dire

 - I will let the last, a deeper meaning, for you to be found.  To me it's meaning was in line with Jesus Christ's love for children (Matthew 19:14, “Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of heaven”).

- - - - -

Today I am linked to
Carpe Diem "Sparkling Stars" #13, " "

 - Following is a part of the Carpe Diem instructions for today found in the above linked site.  It includes directions.  I tried to diligently follow the six-part instruction list printed in GREEN for my haiku.  See my "notes" above about my feel on how well I followed.

"""- the childless woman,
- - - -how tender she is
- - - -to the dolls!
© Ransetsu (Tr. Blyth)

[photo furnished with directions (below), courtesy of 
 
"It’s a gorgeous haiku full of compassion for this woman without children. He sees her taking care for the dolls as were they real children. How much pain and sadness this woman will have had as she couldn’t have children or maybe she had children, but they died ... it’s not clear.
Use your  imagination to see this scene in front of your eyes and try to write/compose an all new haiku following the classical rules:"
+ 5-7-5 syllables
+ a seasonword (kigo)
+ a cuttingword (kireji, in western mostly interpunction)
+ a moment as short as the sound of a pebble thrown in water
+ interchangable first and third line
+ a deeper meaning


Not an easy task I think, but I know you will succeed """
_ _ _ _ _
 

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7 Comments:

At Thursday, January 01, 2015 5:33:00 PM, Blogger kaykuala said...

Very elaborate and most apt, Dr Jim! This is taking it back to basics and something that one needs to ponder hard to really do a good job. Have yet to know much on my understanding of kigo to start with.

Hank

 
At Thursday, January 01, 2015 6:18:00 PM, Blogger Kristjaan Panneman said...

Great to read this haiku again ... very nice response on tóday's post ... thanks Jim.

 
At Thursday, January 01, 2015 11:01:00 PM, OpenID howanxious said...

I like how you follow the rules, checking them one by one. A thoughtful haiku, sir.
-HA

 
At Friday, January 02, 2015 2:50:00 AM, Blogger Georgia Koch said...

Nice retro!

 
At Friday, January 02, 2015 7:49:00 AM, Blogger Mark M. Redfearn said...

I'm afraid I didn't follow the rules nearly as well as you did! Happy 2015!

The Year that Just Passed

 
At Friday, January 02, 2015 3:51:00 PM, Blogger Björn Rudberg said...

Ah.. thank you for sharing this.. I had missed your sparkling stars Jim.. wonderful ways to look back at the past-

 
At Wednesday, January 21, 2015 10:48:00 PM, Blogger audrey` said...

This is a sad topic for some ladies.

 

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