Saturday, June 21, 2014

To Them, to Us

. . . .


v - v - - - To Them, to Us
 
8 - a - - - He wished she would have said to him
6 - b - - - Please won't you spend the night
8 - c - - - Since she didn't that was okay
6 - b - - - Another day alright 
.
2 - d - - - Don't cry,

6 - d - - - Her inner being sigh
2 - c - - - Her way,
6 - e - - - Head to keep her heart mum .
.
8 - a - - - Meanwhile the two, heads in a swim 
6 - e - - - Await, right time would come

- - - - -
.
Photo, poem Copyright, © 2011 (link), 2014 Jimmiehov, All Rights Reserved

Today I'm linked with Kerry at the "Real Toads, Play it Again, Toads" (link)

Her model for me was from an earlier Challenge,Saturday, December 29, 2012 (link) to write a poem after the Robber Herrick's stanza form.
,
[The earlier instructions were that the first 4 lines follow the 8,6,8,6 (or 4 feet, 3 feet, 4 feet, 3 feet of iambic stress pattern) of Common Measure rather closely, but then the poet introduces a variation in his stanza from lines 5 to 8, of 2, 6, 2, 6 and then back to 8, 6 to close lines 9 and 10.  The Ryme scheme is to be abcb ddce ae.]



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11 Comments:

At Saturday, June 21, 2014 5:17:00 PM, Blogger Arushi Ahuja said...

Beautifull... it reads like a song!!

 
At Saturday, June 21, 2014 7:52:00 PM, Blogger Hannah said...

I appreciate the way you lay out the form requirements alongside the poem itself...great topic to muse on, Jim. :)

 
At Saturday, June 21, 2014 8:18:00 PM, Blogger J Cosmo Newbery said...

Anticipation. Delayed gratification can be best. Sometimes.

 
At Sunday, June 22, 2014 1:28:00 AM, Blogger Björn Rudberg said...

Such sense of that awkward moment of who should say the word first... But the tension seem to be growing in a good way.

 
At Sunday, June 22, 2014 2:02:00 AM, Blogger Sumana Roy said...

Time will definitely bear fruit...love this juxtaposition of anxiety and sweetness...nice use of the form...

 
At Sunday, June 22, 2014 9:40:00 AM, Blogger Marian said...

:) one day, likely soon, it seems.

 
At Sunday, June 22, 2014 11:44:00 AM, Blogger Susie Clevenger said...

Both lost in thoughts they hold tightly from their lips....You have captured and awkward moment so well

 
At Sunday, June 22, 2014 12:53:00 PM, Blogger Kerry O'Connor said...

I'm sure the right time will come - that is my hope for lovers the world over. I am pleased to see you tried this tricky form, Jim.

 
At Sunday, June 22, 2014 3:34:00 PM, Blogger Ella said...

Wonderful, Jim~
This reminds me of the teens in my life~ The tug of war with emotions! Well Done

 
At Sunday, June 22, 2014 7:34:00 PM, Blogger Heaven said...

The right time will come, I like the positive spin in the ending ~

Grace

 
At Thursday, July 03, 2014 5:42:00 PM, Blogger audrey` said...

Very well-written, Dr Jim :)

 

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