Sunday, July 03, 2011

One single impression: Crater — Reader's Choice

There are two poems here with a slight difference:
the first is written in 3rd person, the second in 1st person.
Please leave your preference.
Pardon me if they are too dark for you.



This:

Crater

He's dug himself a big hole, woe is he
He's squandered all his money on the horse
Hole not for swimming rather to bury
Loser he picked is winning not. His curse

Don't wait, that crater will be filled today
He's made his peace with the Lord, He'll forgive
Death by the shovel that dug is his way
Tomorrow you'll find him not though he lives

Horse nagged him once too often for his ears
He's killing his wife of too many years

Or this:

Crater

I've dug myself a big hole, woe is me
I've squandered all my money on the horse
Hole not for swimming rather to bury
Loser I picked is winning not. My curse

Don't wait, that crater will be filled today
I've made my peace with the Lord, He'll forgive
Death by the shovel that dug is my way
Tomorrow you'll find me not though I live

Horse has nagged once too often for my ears
I'm killing my wife of too many years


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Photos and Poems Copyright
© 2011 Jimmiehov
All Rights Reserved

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Prompt word, Crater, was suggested by me, Jim .

Find more poems at One Single Impression using "Crater" as prompt.

OSI Bloggers, thank you very much for your writing. I shall try to visit every one of your works.

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13 Comments:

At Sunday, July 03, 2011 12:03:00 AM, Blogger Harshad mehta said...

Jim, One digs his own hole, most of the time!

Nice prompt & poem.

 
At Sunday, July 03, 2011 12:13:00 AM, Blogger Magical Mystical Teacher said...

Um, does your wife know what you have in mind? I'm just askin'!

 
At Sunday, July 03, 2011 4:40:00 PM, Blogger Sue said...

as always a great, humorous twist at the end.

 
At Monday, July 04, 2011 10:47:00 AM, Blogger Jingle said...

Thanks for the inspirations.

amazing prompt ..

 
At Monday, July 04, 2011 10:50:00 AM, Blogger Kim Nelson said...

Jim ~ the tale told is dark and filled with despair, really. The cadence and sentence structure add just the right tension. As for my preference? First person, without a doubt.

 
At Monday, July 04, 2011 12:00:00 PM, Blogger Cassiopeia Rises said...

Jim my friend, I liked both of the poems. Hope you are not really feeling that down and out. No matter what, life is sweet.


Melanie

 
At Monday, July 04, 2011 2:49:00 PM, Blogger sandra said...

well...I think I will read again...but I like those painful but hopeful thoughts...very human!

 
At Tuesday, July 05, 2011 12:19:00 AM, Blogger Lynette Killam said...

Well done, Jim...I like the sinister tone underlying your words! And my preference is definitely for the first person approach...so much more immediate.

 
At Tuesday, July 05, 2011 6:32:00 AM, Blogger ♥~Judy~♥ said...

I prefer the first as contemplating one's own demise and that of another is just too dark for me.

 
At Tuesday, July 05, 2011 7:22:00 AM, Blogger Ramesh Sood said...

Well Jim.. was not getting connected.. so first thanks for a lovely difficult prompt.. and then for both the poems.. pouring out one's feelings is what poetry is all about.. do visit to see where I have created my own CRATER..

 
At Wednesday, July 06, 2011 9:22:00 PM, Blogger The Write Girl said...

Thanks for the inspiration for this prompt Jim. I am a little late visiting OSI. Certainly it is a heavier piece but also very strong. Powerful!

 
At Thursday, July 07, 2011 8:10:00 AM, Blogger Patti said...

Hi! Great prompt choice! I must say- I read them both over a few times and the first pic depresses me (why- not sure); both poem are excellent-but I really think I prefer the second one. I LOVE the twist at the end- and I personally thought the narrator was going to kill himself so I was suprised how the poem ended. Hope your 4th was great and that your week is a good one.

 
At Thursday, July 07, 2011 6:11:00 PM, Blogger Susie Hovendick Chan said...

Dark is an understatement. And what a surprise after you have us thinking of a suicide.

The third-person format sounds more detatched, like an Edgar Allen Poe work, making it more eerie somehow, more mysterious and prosey.

The poem in first-person sounds loud and boorish, lacking refinement. Like a noisy clout at a bar, it's just too "out there".

 

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