Voices Heard -- a Flash Poem
Voices Heard
voices I'm to hear
slappeth thou my face?
to spit now they say
what bringeth thine ire?
ashes from the fire
I'm not yet a man
hot bark burned my hand
none to pull my hair
black with burns, a pair
mum to give hard hand,
voices who say, "Come"
_ _ _ _ _
This is a five way poem, 1) read it as written; 2) read either only the first lines or; 3) only the second lines only; 4) read one set of lines followed by the other set of lines, 5) either one first.
© jimmiehov, all rights reserved
(I'm relinked with Sanaa Rizvi on September 25, 2018, http://withrealtoads.blogspot.com/2018/09/the-tuesday-platform_25.html ), a few of you may have read this before.
Today, June 25, 2015, I'm linked with "Words Count With Mama Zen,"
where Mom Z is telling us something new about the English language:
"Today, we're going to get conservative . . . with our words. A recent study by British researchers identified 23 "ultraconserved words" that have remained relatively unchanged since the Ice Age. All of those 23 are cognates (words that have the same meaning and sound in different languages) in at least four of the seven Eurasiatic language families. Translation: that's the 700 languages spoken from the British Isles to western China and from the Arctic to Southern India."
Her instructions were, "So, want to do a little writing in the mother tongue? Pick a few words from the "ultraconserved words" list and write a poem of 60 words or less."
I wrote my 'poem' including the title using a total of 55 words. If my count is correct then I used 14 (underlined for you) different words or phrases from the list. Mother and Hand were used twice.
You can read through the poem as written. Or you can start with the first and then skip every other line. It also will read independently starting with the second line and skipping every other line. I dunno.
The pictures (click on one for a larger size view) I took in 2013 during a visit to the London Science Museum. NASA has a wonderful exhibit there. And it's a FREE museum!!
Here's the list:
thou
I
not
that
we
to give
who
this
what
man / male
ye
old
mother
to hear
hand
fire
to pull
black
to flow
bark
ashes
to spit
worm
Labels: Flash Writing, Personal-Challenge-2015, Poem, Rhyme, Syllabic Form
posted by Jim @ 6/25/2015 10:42:00 PM
17 comments
17 Comments:
They did that back then,they, the ones
of old, slapped the b'Jesus of good sense into you, nice response Jim
Much love...
I like the way you have adopted a more archaic style for this poem, Jim. The relationship between mother and son is a sacred thing.
Interesting to read it so many ways. Nice job, Jim.
Hello, Jim. My favourite version was to read all the odd lines followed by all the even ones; but it made good sense in all versions. Very clever!
I like the way you can read this in different ways, Jim.
Extremely hard work and very clever to write a poem that can be read in so many different ways and yet can still make sense in each way. Wow. Brilliant job Jim!!
Where would we be without our mothers.. were would we be?
I have to say that I got a similar feeling to that which Kerry described so well. Nice way with the words, Jim. :)
beautiful - with those space-y images, rhythm and rhyme, it felt like a space-age opera children might sing while trying to jump rope without gravity. kudos!
I love how this poem can be read in several ways Jim ❤️
Oh, that is quite a challenge admirably accomplished. I liked the various versions of the verse; the one involving the reading of the first lines of all the couplets stood out for me.
-HA
That is quite the interesting challenge. I am very impressed with your poem.
Teresa from Razzamadazzle
Totally blown away by how you managed this really difficult form! Bravo.
What a great work on a challenge Jim
This is brilliant Jim. You met the challenge like a pro! Awesome writing!
It's pretty cool that the poem can be read 5 different ways.
You worked a lot of words in very well, Jim. I am not good at all at word list poems.
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